


Magical Girl Butcher

by Hitlertheduck



Category: The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29156874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitlertheduck/pseuds/Hitlertheduck
Summary: Translucent tries to kill Hughie but Butcher saves him in a very different way than Hughie was expecting
Kudos: 5





	Magical Girl Butcher

It was nighttime and Hughie stood at his post in the TV store, bored as all fuck. He had just done a mission for that Butcher guy and it was the first time that he truly felt like he accomplished something, and now, now it was back to the usual minimum wage fuckery that he was used to. 

Hughie heard the door open up but he really didn’t care, he just robotically said “sorry we’re closing up” to the mysterious stranger who’d entered the store. 

Hughie continued staring aimlessly into space until he heard a disembodied voice say “who are you?” 

That sudden remark made Hughie jump out of his chair in shock. He then immediately began looking around for who said that before the man would answer him with “I’m right in front of you, prick.” 

Hughie looked in front of him, completely speechless and just listened to what the invisible man had to say. His blood then immediately turned cold when he saw what the invisible man had in his hands. 

The bug he planted. 

“You think I wouldn’t find this thing?” remarked Translucent 

Hughie then felt his head be slammed down on the counter before suddenly being lifted up and thrown on the ground. He was really dizzy now and felt his vision getting blurry before suddenly being picked up once again and thrown forcefully into a window. 

“Pussy, I followed you from the fucking tower. Who the fuck was that guy you were with huh?” 

Blood was now coming out of Hughie’s forehead. Hughie tried to get up but his legs felt far too weak to stand up right now, as if his legs were made of gelatin. He began cracking up and said I-I-I don’t know, he was just some uber driver.” 

“Do you think I’m a fucking idiot?” said Translucent aggressively 

So he just watched helplessly as Translucent pulled a flat screen TV out of the wall and slowly began to walk towards Hughie while Hughie began to begin muttering swear words under his breath the entire time. 

Hughie watched as the TV floated toward him and he began begging “please, don’t do this” 

Hughie’s pleas for mercy fell upon deaf ears as Translucent continued carrying the TV over towards Hughie while saying “we’re the seven, champions of the innocent.” 

Translucent stopped in front of Hughie, held the TV up, and finished his line with “motherfucker.” 

Suddenly a black car burst through the walls and hit Translucent, sending him flying through the shelves of the store until he crashed into the wall and fell on his ass like a complete and total pussy. 

The door to this car then opened up and a man who looked like a man straight out of a porn parody of the Matrix exited the vehicle before shutting the door and facing Translucent. This man was known as Billy Butcher. 

“Sorry about the mess” said Butcher in the most casual way possible. 

Butcher reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the most odd-looking crowbar in the history of odd-looking crowbars. This crowbar was colored a shiny, reflective pink, with purple gummy hearts plastered everywhere to make it look even more diabetic than it already was. 

“You should fuck off Hughie” said Butcher while he was walking towards his cloaked foe. 

“Well, well, well, if it ain’t the invisible cunt” quipped Butcher 

Translucent then got up dusted himself off from the blow he just took before asking “who the fuck do you think you are shithead?” 

Butcher smirked at that remark before going “do you really wanna know who I am?” 

“Yeah, that’s what I just said dumbass.” 

Sparkles and glitter then begin to shoot out from Butcher’s diabetes inducing crowbar before Butcher says “I’m a goddamn magical girl ya cunt.” 

“What the fuck does that mean? Are you mental?” Asked Translucent, not even in sarcasm, just in complete and total earnestness. 

This just made Butcher’s grin even wider before he says “why don’t you find out luv?” 

Butcher then raises his crowbar in the air and yells out “COMPOUND V ENERGIZE!” 

A pink beam shoots in the air from Butcher’s crowbar and a purple flash of light came from Butcher’s mere presence as Translucent and Hughie both looked on in complete and utter confusion while Butcher’s clothes began to change. 

Butcher’s black shirt and jacket began shortening itself until it soon became a light blue, short sleeved shirt, with big poofy shoulders. 

The black pants on Butcher’s legs soon followed as they began to shrink down until they had taken the form of a light blue, short skirt. This skirt also had cute pink kittens plastered everywhere. 

Butcher’s black hair soon began to grow longer until it extended over his shoulders and took on a lighter turquoise shade. His long flowing hair was then tied up by two, pink, kitten shaped bows which gave him twin-tails on both sides. 

Butcher’s beard disappeared to reveal a smooth, light skinned face and his sneakers went from black loafers to pink and blue striped tennis shoes. 

Finally, Butcher’s began to become a lot higher pitched. Just like an excitable teenage girl. 

The brand new, sugar coated, Billy Butcher stood in front of Translucent and both him and Hughie could think of one thing to say in unison 

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?” exclaimed both Translucent and Hughie. 

Butcher chuckled her anime girl chuckle before saying “I’m a bundle of sugary sweetness so good that it’ll make yer teeth rot off and yer shit turn pink ya cunt” 

The Magical Girl then struck a dynamic pose (you figure it out, I’m not your mom) before a pink beam of energy exited from her hand and hit Translucent, making him go flying back into another wall and forming even more cracks in the architecture. 

Butcher proceeded to skip cheerfully over to where Translucent was while Translucent was fuming with rage at what was happening right now. He then got up and immediately ran over to Butcher in an attempt to brutalize the magical girl. 

Translucent attempted to punch Butcher but Butcher just blocked it with a cotton candy shield before she reached into her pocket and pulled out... a green apple candy cane, yeah. 

She then took this candy cane and stabbed Translucent in the eye with it. To an onlooker, it would look like blood was just pouring out of thin air but the yelling in pain would immediately betray that speculation. 

As Translucent screamed in pain, Butcher said “oh pipe down wanker, just put a band aid on and you’ll be right as rain” 

Translucent then pulled out a knife from, somewhere, and began swinging wildly in an attempt to stab the cutesy girl but she dodged every single swipe while striking dynamic poses with each and every dodge. After a while, Translucent started to slow down, so Butcher reached into his pocket and pulled out a churro. 

Despite it being night time, this churro shined with the light of the gods as its sweet cinnamon topping complimented its already golden-brown exterior. It looked freshly made and if one were to feel it, then they’d be able to tell that it was piping hot. To consume this churro would be like consuming a drop of god’s sweet honey nectar and make you see all that’s good and wholesome in life. It truly was the most perfect churro to ever exist in history. 

Butcher then took this sweet food and slashed Translucent across the chest, spilling his intestines everywhere. 

Translucent was screaming even more now and he felt himself losing consciousness fast. He then fell to his knees and it was a struggle just to stay awake now. 

Butcher struck another dynamic pose before saying “in the name of the moon or some shite like that, you’re about to receive the spanking of a lifetime” 

Translucent’s words were beginning to become slurred but he still managed to sputter out “p-please don’t kill me. There’s a lot of info on the seven that I could give you” 

The pleas fell on deaf ears as Butcher struck the most fabulous, dynamic, and utterly adorable pose that had ever been witnessed that night. If you were to see this pose right now, you’d contract diabetes due to the sheer amount of adorableness emanating from it. 

As Butcher posed, a pink sprinkled donut made of pure energy began to form over his head. 

“n-no” said Translucent 

Butcher unleashed the power of the baked good onto the invisible cunt and this would be the final time that Translucent screamed before he was consumed by the pure and utter fury of this sugary delicacy. 

The force behind this attack was so powerful that it caused half of the electronics in the store to begin eliciting smoke before going up in a fiery explosion, taking half of the store with them. 

For some reason, no one seemed to notice this until it was reported on the news the next day. 

The magical girl breathed a sigh of relief before she changed back to her normal self, while Hughie just stood there in complete and utter shock at what he had just seen. After finally finding his voice, there was only a select number of words that came to his mind as to ascertain the situation. 

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!” yelled Hughie in a mixture of confusion, anger, and a tiny bit of romantic interest. 

“We’ve got a lot to talk about mate” said Butcher


End file.
